fly away from the past

you are my sunshine

today as i was listening to dr phil, i could hear myself in some of the things a guest on the show was saying. during a commercial the song you are my sunshine was being hummed and it reminded me of the first time i held you in my hands. i thought about how it felt when the dr told your mama she could only have 2 people with her, and she said your daddy and me. i know there were times during the delivery that your mama told me to leave the room and it did hurt to have her say that to me. i am glad that she and i do not argue and use loud voices as much as we did. i can not tell you the last time, except on the wedding day she was the commander, instead of allowing herself to enjoy, but the point is our words and interactions are better, and i believe your daddy has been the catalyst for this new relationship. i will tell them and him thank you and i will try to keep things good from my end. i still wish you were here, and there will not be another baby taking your place ever. keep me a place to be with you again. i l love you baby girl. the verse for today has a special impact on my thinking ::Keep close to Me. I am the Way that is the solution to all Earth’s problems. i want to be with everybody i miss badly and i will do my best to enjoy my time with my family here, but i want to have my cake and eat too. i am going to do better.

summer has arrived in sc along with much more

after typing for 30 minutes, the home page of google -- my igoogle decides to refresh with me asking it to do this and i lost all that i have typed, and have no clue how to retrieve -- like i asked it to delete--- story of my life . lose the things that are important, and have all the unimportant things all around me like irritating people too.

my original composition was expressing feelings about death and loss and the importance of knowing family history so health matters can be addressed if needed. lilli i hope your great grandmother has introduced you to another kind of love and please ask God if you can give us a little rain so my flowers will not all die, and the well go dry. i hope your mother has twins and that your fathers is good to her and takes care of her and please watch over him while he is on duty. keep him safe, and your mother too. love you precious, you are my sunshine

after typing for 30 minutes, the home page of google -- my igoogle, decides to refresh without me asking it to do this and i lost all that i have typed, and have no clue how to retrieve those one million words-- like i asked it to delete--- story of my life . lose the things that are important, and have all the unimportant things all around me like irritating people too.

my original composition was expressing feelings about death and loss and the importance of knowing family history so health matters can be addressed if needed. lilli i hope your great grandmother has introduced you to another kind of love and please ask God if you can give us a little rain so my flowers will not all die, and the well go dry. i hope your mother has twins and that your father is good to her and takes care of her and please watch over him while he is on duty. keep him safe, and your mother too. love you precious, you are my sunshine

fathers day

of course this is about missing my daddy, but a father can be so many different things. i see the man that cares for all of us, everyday of the week, without doing for himself and that makes my husband fit the description of what i think a father should be. he has never gotten ties for gifts because he has the one that he wears if ever he needs to have one on and that is a rare and extreme circumstance to cause him to dress in that way. he has gotten shirts, tee shirts, and sock, underwear, slacks, and short pants, maybe swimming trunks, occasionally work books, but never big items to surprise him with, because the last time i tried that was i think 3 christmas ago, and the craftsman tools have never , never been taken from their packaging, so if the power tool doesn't work, we are way past the time to make an exchange. i think i know what he wants, but do i really? no do i know what he needs? little things, but not was he desires to have for a specific need. he doesn't say i want ever that i can give him that item. i can't even try to give him things that are not material things. we have lost that part of us where we tell the other hopes, dreams desires---and only say i don't want to hear that, or i'm tired of eating the samethings etc. i miss having that in my life.
i love the father of my children, and i hope he feels he is loved by all of us who depend on him, and run to him, and call in the middle of the night to be rescued. yes even our 20 something kids still call for daddy to fix it, what ever it might be. i will try to make the day to honor fathers a pleasant day for him, because i want to. i know he misses his father too, although it is never talked about. right now a friend from thirty years ago is dying. burmah made our courtship at long beach good, and many trips followed made possible because of his kindness, saving us money by letting us stay in his beach house. trey has reminisced with him a few hours which was good for both of them. he will not live to celebrate another father's day unless God has the plan in place for his life to be much longer than the doctors predict. trey will miss his friend who was a father figure in his early adult years. and the memories of good times will not be taken away when he dies. but we are all dying even as we are living. we are living until we die, and no one or no thing can predict the time for us, except our heavenly father. there is a special place in heaven for fathers, and daddies, and for those people who were like a daddy to so many people. i know i will see my daddy again and everyday should be the day to honor fathers, i hope i have helped to teach my children that important part of life.

can you feel the love tonight

summer comes with a promise of hot dry weather once again-- my birthday was good, my anniversary is still nice, and as always he buys me what i want. i need him, and i love him, for 30 years i have tried in every way to cause him to throw me out, and he still keeps me. what a wonderful man, and a perfect husband, and father for our children. who could ask for anything more? i still do so many times.

Tupperware business is not going as a dream job--but neither was any other job i dabbled in. i should just stick to being a house wife, no just a person in a house. i despise house work. that is no surprise. jean

happy anniversary trey and me 1980-2008 june 8